Tuesday, August 23, 2011

How to be miserable when you're sick.

Warning:  This post was written by a sarcastic sick lady who can't spell, so used all of her mental power to use spell check.

Most people, when they get sick, do a pretty good job being miserable even f they get to spend all day in bed, sleeping and watching their favorite show, with whatever food or drink they please at they please at their finger tips and someone waiting on them hand and foot, giving them massages and making sure the kids are quiet or out playing somewhere.  Well, sometimes homemakers get a little extra misery when they get sick.  If you want to be miserable, here are my tips to maximize how yucky you feel:

Wait to get sick until everyone else in your family had gotten sick and you've spent the past week either constantly holding a fevery child or getting up in the middle of the nigt several times every night because someone's medication wore off and their headache and fever came back full strength at 3 in the morning, or because someone was so exhausted from being sick that they didn't wake up to go potty at 2 in the morning and had an accident at 2 in the morning so you get to change their bedding and help them get cleaned up instead of doing something that would strengthen your immune system to keep you from getting too sick, namely sleeping.

Make sure your husband gets sick first too because you love him and take care of him as much as you do your children (except carrying him around the house on your hip, that might hurt your back, especially if your hubby is as muscley as mine is).

Be sure that no one gets COMPLETELY over their aliments before you get sick, make sure they're just to the point where they have energy again, but they are still sick enough for a headache to come on suddenly so they can start screaming about the littlest thing and later on not be able to go to sleep.

Make sure that you are potty training a child and that he has a poop and tinkle accident in his underwear right when you are feeling the worst. 

Wait for all of this to take place right after your husband gets a promotion and gets transferred to another location so he's commuting 30 minutes each way, and working 50 hours a week, in addition to trying to get over his own illness so he has no more energy than you do in the few minutes he is home. 

Make sure it is at LEAST 100  degrees outside and that you have no yard so your kids are always inside and getting cabin fever.  Also make sure that they swimming pool in your apartment complex has not been checked off by the health department and gave your boys eye infections the month before, so you can't take your kids to any outside location to release their wiggle and wear them out.

Have downstairs neighbors who pound on the ceiling every time your kids speed walk in the living room.

Don't go grocery shopping for a week before getting sick so there is nothing simple and easy you can think to fix right away, so you have to exert your brain to be creative and sill be somewhat healthy.

Having said all that, I have a few new best friends:
TKO Anti Burst Fitness Ball Set 65cmExercise ball,  It's a good thing to sit on instead of a chair (you know, when you're not lying down because that rarely happens when kids are awake) because it's most cushy and you can move around on it to ease some of that achiness in your lower back that comes from being sick. You can also kneel on the floor and hug it and rock to ease aches in your upper back. 

TV.  Yes I said that.  I don't think kids should watch TV all day, every day, but if your wonderful brother sent them a movie they love and it's wholesome and not annoying, it's a good thing  if you're so light headed that you can't keep switching rooms to check on them.  I also use this when someone has a tummy bug so they don't jump around and make things even worse.  Just make sure that you go back to regular activity and only a little TV when you're better or it won't work as well (voice of experience here).

Maruchan Ramen Noodle Soup - 36/3ozRamen noodles.  These were a staple in college, but I don't usually use them now because I try to go all whole wheat and low sodium, but they're easy to make when your head is throbbing and they will fill up your kids so they're happy.  The other day I improvised and used thin spaghetti, beef bouillon, and parsley.  The kids LOVED it!  After lunch they asked me if they could have that for dinner too, I made something similar, but with more nutrition. (ground beef, egg noddle, fresh tomato, Italian diced tomatoes (canned), onion and garlic powder, parsley, basil and oregano, corn, cheese.  Cheese makes everything taste good)

Youtube.  I looked up some somewhat education videos yesterday about tornadoes and it kept my five year old enthralled for a while and helped with the education aspect. 

Play-doh Case of ColorsPlay-doh.  My kids got a big case with lots of play-doh varieties this past Christmas and it is wonderful.  That's actually what my 3 year old is doing right now!  We make sure that they only use it at the kitchen table and only make impressions in it with things mom or dad approve of to avoid the headache of play-doh in the carpet or on stuffed animals.  And the neighbors usually don't band on the ceiling when my kids play with play-doh (they have little kids too, so I don't know when they expect the living room to be quiet in the middle of the day, and they let their toddle bang on the horn in their car when my kids are napping and I don't open the windows and through rotten fruit at them or anything.  I normally try not to gripe about people, but I'm sick so I'm allowed this once.

Fruit and ice cream.  Things that are easy to chew and easy to swallow so as to not make the headache worse.  Chocolate ice cream, watermelon, and bananas are dietary staples right now. 

Ibuprofen.  Normally I don't take any kinds of medicine.  I've only had a little pain med to take the edge off when I had two of my kids, nothing with the other (and I was induced, they were all over 8 pounds, all posterior, and the one with no pain meds at all was 10 pound 4 ounces!), and then an ibuprofen afterwords, but other than that I really don't take pain meds.  Now though, I've had to take something just so I can walk around! I take the minimum dose, since I rarely use medicine this seems to work pretty well for me, and only when I absolutely need it, it's been wonderful!

Water.  Before I started my own family, I was in the Army, and there water is the cure to every ailment.  There is a lot of truth to that though,  your body can't regulate temperature if it's dehydrated, so it's good in hot and cold, dehydration can cause headaches and poor judgement, and it can help you body flush out bad things.  I haven't noticed a difference with t hings like ache and sprained ankles, but my drill sergeants in basic training swore it would work!  Either way, it helps be be less light headed and wakes me up with I'm feeling woozy.

Sorry for the complete randomness of this post, but not so sorry that I won't publish it. :)

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