Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It's a Sick Sick World

I am a sucker for babies.  Especially when they're brand new.  So when I read this article http://www.theblaze.com/stories/ethicists-argue-in-favor-of-after-birth-abortions-as-newborns-are-not-persons/
I felt not only sick, but scared and worried.  This is not the kind of thing we want to become legal, or even considered.  Oy, it gives me the creeps.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Teaching My Daughter About Modesty

Just as a reminder, my daughter is 5.  She'll be 6 in a few months, so she isn't at the age when most people talk about teaching their daughters modesty.  But it's something that's been on my mind since she was four.
When my daughter was four, I had my third child.  When I was healed enough to exercise again I started doing a free DVD I had gotten through Special K cereal.  The workouts were great.  They were challenging and I could feel results, but one thing really bothered me.  The title of the DVD was "Get Swimsuit Ready." and throughout the DVD, the instructor tlaks about doing things that will make you look good in your swimsuit, or if you need inspiration, think of your favorite swimsuit and looking great in it.  That is a huge demotivater for me, because two months after having my third baby, I sure didn't want to picture myself in a swimsuit, and also, my husband and I have always told out kids that we exercise to be healthy and strong, so we don't hurt our backs when we pick things up and so we can run and play without getting too tired.  I would only watch the DVD after my kids were in bed because my daughter remembers everything she hears on a TV and I didn't want the message of "exercise just so you can look good when you hardly have anything on" to stick with her.  Eventually, I stopped watching it all together. 
Then some kind friends gave my daughter some of their daughter's cloths that she had grown out of.  One of them was a halter top dress that plunged VERY low.  At first we told her she could only wear it around the house, but then she'd usually change because she said it wasn't very modest.  Eventually, when she wasn't looking, I got rid of it and she hasn't missed it.
We also talked about being modest, my daughter and my three year old son will now tell me when they see an immodest woman, weather it be on TV or in person (and they say it very loud).  My daughter can tell me exactly how said woman is being immodest, weather it's she's showing her back and her tummy and she needs longer shorts, or she's just in her underwear (they say this all the time in the summer when people go into the store with bikini tops and short shorts). 
In many regards, i do feel like we're doing a good job with our kids, teaching them about modesty, and I dress modestly.  Or do I?
I always wear sleeves and at least knee length skirts and shorts, but I have fairly long legs, and a ghetto booty that'll make any dress ride up in the back if I'm not careful, so that's something that I need to make sure I watch.  I've also noticed that I have a dress, which is very flattering, but ti's a V-neck that crosses at the point of the V and I've found myself constantly having to adjust it to be sure nothing's showing.  This has become even more interesting with the things that are enhanced in early pregnancy.  I don't want the fact that mommy constantly had to fiddle with her dress to keep herself completely covered to stand out in her mind.  Looks like it's time to break out the needle nad thread so I can keep that dress from separating anymore.

I know these things may seem small, but I try to be constantly improving, though it seems like sometimes I'm decreasing in at least one thing.  Anyway, as a youth I felt like modestly was easy and I didn't yearn to show off my body or anything.  But hen I got to thinking, what if my daughter, and someday maybe daughters don't feel like that when they're in their teens.  I guess it helps that my mother was always modest in dress, as well as in actions (i.e. not boastful or puffed up), so I hope that I'm being as good of an example to my daughter.  I want her to live a happy, chaste, and virtuous life.  To be able to say at any point in her young adulthood, hey, I'm going to marry this wonderful man in the temple and I don't have to go through any serious repentance first!  Woo-hoo!

I know the challenges will increase as she gets older, but we're trying to start her off right, so she doesn't view her body as a sexual object, but is happy and confident in who she is.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

What NOT to say to a pregnant woman

I find some of the things people say to pregnant women and new moms to be funny and disturbing.  It's mostly funny because people seem to have no clue how rude they're being.  Here are some interesting comments I've heard:

First trimester:

"Wow, you're already starting to show."
"Wow, you guys are just cranking them out!"
"You better go to the doctor, you might lose it." (that was from extended family, and no, we didn't lose the baby, nor come close)

Second trimester:
"Wow, you're due any day now, aren't you?"
"You look like you're about ready to pop!"
"Are the doctors SURE you're not due until then?"

Third trimester:
"You're still pregnant?"
"Are you having twins?"
"Have you had an ultrasound to find out how many babies you're having?"
"I'd be surprised if that baby cam out less than 10 pounds!"  (He came out just over 10 pounds, so I felt a little better)
"Wow....you're BIG!"
"You're husband should be carrying your two year old!" But my two year old wanted mommy, and I like holding him!

"Do you have another one on the way?" 

And I'm sure I'll get with this one:
"Wow, you're going to be really pregnant all through the hottest months of the year...and in TEXAS!"  So glad to know that others know their seasons and geography.

I am not due until October 2nd (according the the ultrasound I had this week) but I have already gotten the "You're already starting to show!" comment.  The ones that have really worn on me in the past are twins, still pregnant, BIG, ready to pop, and being "sure" about the due date.  And people say then so often!  In my third pregnancy I heard all of those comments at least twice a week.  At one point I had had enough and when a large man at church asked me if I was sure I wasn't having twins I asked him how many babies he was having.  He just laughed and another man nearby said he was going to have a three year old!  It's a good thing that babies are so cute that these comments are quickly forgotten.
I think the most disturbing comment I've heard was at the doctor's office, that even though babies are cute, the difficult deliveries I've had "Just aren't worth it" to have more.  I though that was kind of presumptuous, obviously I thought it was worth it or I wouldn't be pregnant again.  If anyone knew the value of that pain and misery, it would be me, right?  It's sad that so many in the world see having babies as too difficult and inconvenient that the joy of having children is quickly forgotten.  By the way, it's still magical even after several children.
So next time you talk to a pregnant woman, keep in mind that she's probably tired of whatever comment you might be about to make, except maybe congratulations and babies are wonderful kind of comments!

UPDATED 2/14/2012  The day after I posted this I got another comment that I couldn't believe.  I was talking to a lady that I barely knew during my third pregnancy (from church) and she had brought up the subject of pregnancy and how hard it would be "at [her] age."  I will not endeavor to guess what that is, lest I become a hypocrite. But then she turned to me and said
"Yea, and you break out really bad during your pregnancies too." 
I asked her to repeat that because I must have heard that wrong, nobody is that insensitive, right? Wrong.  She then went on to say "What is it that causes that for you?  Someone was telling my what makes that happen to you and I can't remember what it is." 
Wait a minute, my husband wouldn't be talking like that, and I know it wasn't me, so not only are you noticing this skin imperfection, but you're talking to other people about it? Not only that but since it's just acne that no doctor has been able to cure since puberty, all you're doing is speculating.
After some other people tried to interject with hormones causing women to break out in pregnancy  and the first woman talking more about how it (pregnancy) just messes your body up (trying not to take that personally too) my husband interjected and changed the subject completely, talking long enough that people's minds moved on.  My hero.  He said he had been trying to think of something sarcastic to point out how rude that comment was, but the only things he could think of were likely too subtle.  Then my three year old came in and asked me to help him go potty.  Who would have though it'd be so relieving to put someone else on the toilet?

I do wonder about people who make comments like this.  What other comments are they making, and to whom?  Do they go up to overweight teens on their birthday and say things like "Another year, another chin!"  Or do they go around nursing homes with a box of raisins so they can do comparisons?  I hope not, but you never know what people will say!

I try not to take these things personally, but they do make me uncomfortable. It is what it is I guess.