It's a Sick Sick World

I am a sucker for babies.  Especially when they're brand new.  So when I read this article http://www.theblaze.com/stories/ethicists-argue-in-favor-of-after-birth-abortions-as-newborns-are-not-persons/
I felt not only sick, but scared and worried.  This is not the kind of thing we want to become legal, or even considered.  Oy, it gives me the creeps.

Teaching My Daughter About Modesty

Just as a reminder, my daughter is 5.  She'll be 6 in a few months, so she isn't at the age when most people talk about teaching their daughters modesty.  But it's something that's been on my mind since she was four.
When my daughter was four, I had my third child.  When I was healed enough to exercise again I started doing a free DVD I had gotten through Special K cereal.  The workouts were great.  They were challenging and I could feel results, but one thing really bothered me.  The title of the DVD was "Get Swimsuit Ready." and throughout the DVD, the instructor tlaks about doing things that will make you look good in your swimsuit, or if you need inspiration, think of your favorite swimsuit and looking great in it.  That is a huge demotivater for me, because two months after having my third baby, I sure didn't want to picture myself in a swimsuit, and also, my husband and I have always told out kids that we exercise to be healthy and strong, so we don't hurt our backs when we pick things up and so we can run and play without getting too tired.  I would only watch the DVD after my kids were in bed because my daughter remembers everything she hears on a TV and I didn't want the message of "exercise just so you can look good when you hardly have anything on" to stick with her.  Eventually, I stopped watching it all together. 
Then some kind friends gave my daughter some of their daughter's cloths that she had grown out of.  One of them was a halter top dress that plunged VERY low.  At first we told her she could only wear it around the house, but then she'd usually change because she said it wasn't very modest.  Eventually, when she wasn't looking, I got rid of it and she hasn't missed it.
We also talked about being modest, my daughter and my three year old son will now tell me when they see an immodest woman, weather it be on TV or in person (and they say it very loud).  My daughter can tell me exactly how said woman is being immodest, weather it's she's showing her back and her tummy and she needs longer shorts, or she's just in her underwear (they say this all the time in the summer when people go into the store with bikini tops and short shorts). 
In many regards, i do feel like we're doing a good job with our kids, teaching them about modesty, and I dress modestly.  Or do I?
I always wear sleeves and at least knee length skirts and shorts, but I have fairly long legs, and a ghetto booty that'll make any dress ride up in the back if I'm not careful, so that's something that I need to make sure I watch.  I've also noticed that I have a dress, which is very flattering, but ti's a V-neck that crosses at the point of the V and I've found myself constantly having to adjust it to be sure nothing's showing.  This has become even more interesting with the things that are enhanced in early pregnancy.  I don't want the fact that mommy constantly had to fiddle with her dress to keep herself completely covered to stand out in her mind.  Looks like it's time to break out the needle nad thread so I can keep that dress from separating anymore.

I know these things may seem small, but I try to be constantly improving, though it seems like sometimes I'm decreasing in at least one thing.  Anyway, as a youth I felt like modestly was easy and I didn't yearn to show off my body or anything.  But hen I got to thinking, what if my daughter, and someday maybe daughters don't feel like that when they're in their teens.  I guess it helps that my mother was always modest in dress, as well as in actions (i.e. not boastful or puffed up), so I hope that I'm being as good of an example to my daughter.  I want her to live a happy, chaste, and virtuous life.  To be able to say at any point in her young adulthood, hey, I'm going to marry this wonderful man in the temple and I don't have to go through any serious repentance first!  Woo-hoo!

I know the challenges will increase as she gets older, but we're trying to start her off right, so she doesn't view her body as a sexual object, but is happy and confident in who she is.

Strong Willed Blessings!

In the April 2011 General Conference, Lynn G. Robins gave a talk entitled "What Manner of Men and Women Ought Ye to Be?" This talk stood out to me, particularly this part:

A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101. If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505. Rather than wonder what you might have done wrong in the premortal life to be so deserving, you might consider the more challenging child a blessing and opportunity to become more godlike yourself. With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed, and refined? Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?
(emphasis mine)

 Apparently he had met my oldest son and decided to give me advice on him in a worldwide broadcast!  Maybe not really, but that's what it felt like.  I hadn't regarded this talk in several months, only fully remembering the parenting 505 part, and the other day I really started pondering myself and my relationship with my oldest son.  He is incredibly smart and creative and funny and sometimes very sweet, but he's also the one who has shown me my boundaries time and time again.  So after a particularly frustrating day I looked up that talk and I had totally forgotten the part about a difficult child being a blessing.  It's hard to remember that in the midst of crying and tantrums.
I have been pondering on when he was born.  The first few days home from the hospital the whole atmosphere of our apartment was different.  It seemed so much more peaceful, and I could just tell that this baby was so special and I was so thankful to have him in our family.  Even during the insanely late nights I had with him I would look him in the eyes and tell him I loved him and I was so happy he was my baby.  It really made me question myself.  Do I still tell him how happy I am that he's in out family?  I tell him I love him every day and give kisses and hugs and all, but I also get frustrated and have raised my voice to him during the super mega biblical meltdowns.  So I say I love him, then yell, what message am I really sending?  Last week I made a resolve to not raise my voice or react based solely on my emotional response.  It's been and major uphill battle, but I'm starting to feel a difference in myself.  The other night, I noticed a difference in him.  Even when he was tired, he didn't have a major meltdown or throw a fit when he needed some help, he just asked for help.  I helped him and told him he did a good job asking so nicely.  Whenever I tell him he did a good job he says "You're Welcome!"  I don't correct him because it's cute. 
Before I had kids, when people told me parenting was hard, I thought they meant the sleep deprivation and a fussy little baby.  I didn't fret too much because between the military, early morning seminary, and late night college study sessions, I figured I could handle anything that involved lost sleep.  I knew toddlers threw fits, but I had never witnessed the tyrannosaurus of tantrums, nor been so emotionally involved in such a spirited child.  I didn't know I'd feel so confident with one and then feel like I had no idea what I was doing with my second.
A few nights ago, after my oldest fell asleep, I could hear my three year old tapping on his bed frame, one of the things he does when he can't fall asleep (hey, he's just like me!) so I went in and told him that I was sorry for all the times I yelled or made him think I was mad or hurt his feelings.  I then told him that I was trying really hard to be nicer.  He just nodded.  I asked him if he could try a little bit more to listen to mom and dad and he said all right and gave me a big hug and kiss.  I really love that kid.
Things are far from perfect, but I for one have felt frustration come on a little slower and have remembered to keep my head and remind myself to not let his actions, no matter how irritating, get me angry.  I'm still not letting him get away with bad behavior, but taking things a little less personally.  I used to think that was just common sense, but it's a lot less common when you have a very strong willed child and have other stresses in your life.
Anyway, so that's the story of my efforts to be a better mother to the blessing of a more strong willed than normal toddler (I teach nursery at church so I know what strong willed kids are like!).

It's wonderful to take the time to really enjoy your children!  That's what I've been trying to increase doing!

Large Family Minimalism

At heart, I am in many ways a minimalist.  maybe not as extreme as many people are, but I do like and uncluttered house, very few decorations (only ones I love, and most of which are wall mounted family pictures), but lately I have felt like I very much have fallen behind.  And it's true, the more I evaluate myself, the more I see my laziness has crept in and I'm having a hard time purging all those extra papers and my one year old likes to scatter everything he can find all over the house, and it gets very overwhelming.  So the past few days I've been working on doing a little more picking up and purging, but it only goes so far.  So I started researching minimalism with a large family.  I found a lot more that I expected!  Most forums recommend a certain number of things per child, which makes sense, there's a lot about how few things you need for a baby, which I think we did a pretty decent job with our third, especially since he was the fifth person in our 600 square foot apartment, so we had to keep baby stuff to a minimum (pack and play, bassinet, car seat, blankets, sleepers, onesies, diapers and wipes, that's about it), and there's also a lot of advice to do things like get out and enjoy nature, something I love to do, and wish I still lived o close to a myriad of hiking trails, but we go for walks and whenever we visit family we spend some time walking around the country side.  My hubby and I really want to move to the country so our kids can experience being outdoors a lot without being so near to so much pollution, just like we had when we were kids.
I think the best thing I found was from zen family habits.  The author of this blog has 6 kids, so I give him some credibility on this issue.  One thing he says is:

"Minimalism is counter-productive if you become obsessive, and become a clutter-Nazi. We become minimalist so we can remove the extraneous, and focus only on the important. The kids are what’s important — not the lack of clutter, or having the simplest lifestyle. Always remember that. And then, breathe. Relax. Let go of your frustrations, your expectations, your desires for perfection, and instead adopt a minimalist attitude: of going with the flow, of living in the moment, of enjoying your kids and experiences rather than things. Being a parent can be frustrating, if you let it, or it can be fun, if you learn patience and adopt this relaxed attitude."
   source

He wrote that for me, I swear he did! When I had one child I personally think I was great at going with the flow and enjoying her.  Then again, the house always seemed to be in total disarray!  It's amazing how much balance is needed in life!  After I read that I put the computer down and watched my one year old walk around the house with his tongue sticking out as he bounced and made little grunting singing sounds.  Then I noticed my three year old throwing ANOTHER fit over nothing and I was starting to get annoyed when I suddenly realized that I needed to go to my fix all method: I asked him "Do you need a hug?"  He's feisty so often he'll say no or just scowl at me when i ask him, but this time he just nodded with a big sad frown on his face and climbed into my lap and I just held him while he told me how upset he was that his sister was playing with a toy when he walked into the room and decided he wanted to play with it.  I just rubbed his back and told him it was okay.  Life's so hard when you're three.  I try to do this whenever I notice a meltdown, but it's so easy to get caught up in how big a deal they're making over nothing, or how they ruined something or made another huge mess (happens a lot around here).  We need to relax and be at peace or else it won't matter how much stuff we have or don't have, or how clean out house is or isn't, or anything else, and our kids won't be as happy if they're reading our negativity (stop sending out bad vibes, man!)

 Basically, minimalize, but also relax and go with the flow!

Thinking About Christmas

A few days ago I went to Walmart.  If you've never been to Walmart after Halloween it is packed full of Christmas trees, lights, inflatable santas, wreaths, stockings, clothes that you only wear around Christmas because they have a big Christmas tree on them, Christmasy sugary goodness, gift wrappings, and toys galore!  I enjoy Christmas decor, and there's nothing wrong with it, but I was there to look at nativity sets.  The only ones they had were in a hard to find back corner with only a few sets, and most of them didn't have shepherds, but they did have wise men.  It emphasized to me again that, as parents, my husband and I need to be the ones teaching our kids that the story of Christ's birth is the most important aspect of Christmas, because the world will only tuck that park in a back corner and probably won't give all the details.